I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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