My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
