..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
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