is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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