I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
