Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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