Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
