I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
