When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
