piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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