I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
