I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
