Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
