I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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