Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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