I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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