I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we're making bets on your personal life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
