Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
