so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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