Umm I'm too high to move.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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