My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
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What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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