maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
