sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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