I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
