We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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