yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
