come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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