I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
