i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
