If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
