ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
