He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
