Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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