you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
