3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
