There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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