I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
