Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
