She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
