Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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