He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
