fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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