Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
they're like a gay fantastic four
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize