she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
