so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
