I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
