also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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