Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
