Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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