..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
