Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
