Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
