He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
