i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Pants are for mortals
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
