Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
