Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How external is "for external use only"?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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