Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
