yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
