I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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