I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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