Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We're too hungover to prance.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
