question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
