Walk of Shame. In a state park.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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