her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
