Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
