We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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