My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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