I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
