took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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