I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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