I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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