you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
