so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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