I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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