my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
