My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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