My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
